Are you misunderstood, or have you found yoursef in a situation where you are either misunderstood, misjudged and or misrepresented? Do you feel helpless about the situation and unable to put things right? Well, I have good news for you today from the Bible. From one woman who in her time was greatly misunderstood, misrepresented and misjudged, but God handled the situation in His own perfect way.

If you are a woman, it holds to reason that you would have had to constantly walk the fine line between what is considered reputable and disreputable behavior. You may have oftentimes through no fault of your own found your integrity and honor at stake. And who more than a woman knows the pain of the loss of her integrity or honor? Society has indeed defined a narrower road for women than men to follow. A man's fall from grace or disreputable behavior is more easily tolerated and forgiven than a woman's, yet they might have both sinned. Take for example the case of the adulterous woman whom the Jews and leaders of Jesus' day wanted Him to judge. Take note that although it takes two to commit adultery, there was only one accused. What happened to her partner in crime? He was never mentioned nor refered to.

But also note that Jesus neither held the world's view nor practiced the world's standard of more stringent laws for women than men. He treats them both equally and holds them both to the same standard. That was why He cleverly turned the tables back on the crowd and said "let him who has not sinned cast the first stone". This immediately opened the eyes of the crowd to their hypocrisy and unjust balance in the scales of justice.

More severe than an actual case of guilt for a woman is a scenario where although innocent, she has all the outward appearances of guilt. This woman finds herself in a position of compromise although she may not have compromised. But no one knows that, nor is there any visible, tangible evidence to the contrary. This complicates matters furthermore, because the only true evidence is her own testimony which unfortunately is jeopardized by her position. If you are such a woman or find yoursef in such a position, what are you to do?

If you are woman who finds herself in such compromising situations, where your words and reputation are not enough to vindicate you, you are not alone. Mary, the mother of Jesus was one woman who found herself in just that same position. Her yieldedness and submission to the will of God put her in a compromising situation - one of an unwed mother in a society where premarital sex was punishable by death! Have you found yourself compromised or in trouble as a result of doing God's will or being obedient to Him? I bet you thought as long as you were in the right path, it would all be easy and you would have a smooth ride! Not so my friend, as Mary found out. Her fiance, although a kind man figured that Mary's situation was too much even for him to handle. As a result, his decision was to privately (out of kind consideration for her) break off the engagement. But alas! God stepped in and Mary's reputation was kept safe (at least with Joseph).

What makes Mary's situation similar to the kinds of women I have listed here is that, although Mary knew she was innocent of fornication, she could not prove it. On the contrary, it was impossible to prove she was innocent, after all she was pregnant! You don't get that way without sex?? Right? Wrong! But she could not prove it and knowing that, she did not even try to defend herself. Have you ever been in situations where it seems that the more you try to defend yourself, the deeper the hole of condemnation you dig? That is exactly what Mary's situation was. So how did she handle it?

Mary trusted herself into the hands of the God who not only chose her, but allowed her to be in such a situation. After all, nothing stopped God from waiting until Mary was married to Joseph and then informing them both of His divine plan. But He did not, instead He chose to allow Mary experience a situation which was a dilemma to all unlookers.

What is amazing about this situation, is the way Mary handled it. She did not concern herself with how she was going to clear her name, rather she was more concerned with doing God's will! What amazing courage in an era in which a woman more or less had no voice!

Mary's position or line of defense was toward God: she said "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." Luke 1.38a. By this position Mary deliberately put the responsibility for her dignity and reputation in God's hands and He vindicated her.

God sent an angel to explain the situation to Joseph and Joseph was onboard for the ride too! If only we were all quick to hear the Lord's vindication of another in our hearts. If only we like Joseph were willing to trust what the Spirit of the Lord says about a person over the physical evidence we might see or hear. Because sometimes that is all we are ever going to get about a person- the Lord's testimony, backed up only by the person involved. But I must admit, one may discern the Lord's voice only when one already has a relationship of communication with the Lord as Joseph already did, Luke 1:19. Otherwise how else can you tell that it is the Lord speaking to you about this person. Incidentally, it must also be noted that nowhere was it written in the Bible that Mary was vindicated in the eyes of the rest of the public. Could this be because of a lack of relationship with the Lord which prevented them from seeing or hearing her innocence from the Lord?

Whatever the case may be, it goes to prove that sometimes your name or reputation might not be cleared in the eyes of the public, but only in the eyes of the ones whose hearts are open to hear from God and therefore acquit you without evidence of your innocence. But just as in the case of Mary, this will be enough until further manifestation in God's own time. For the evidence of Jesus' divinity and therefore the explanation for His mother's strange / unusual/ unheard-of pregnancy manifested later throughout His life and beyond. Therefore there is no doubt for all eternity as to Mary's innocence. But are you willing to wait?

How to deal with your circumstances? If innocent of the allegations, misrepresentations, etc. against you, borrow a leaf from Mary. Submit your case to the God who has permitted that situation to transpire in your life. Do not fret, but rather trust Him to bring about your vindication in His own way. In the meantime, take comfort in the joy of knowing that you are in God's will, because He will show up for you!

If you are guilty, stop! Do not condemn yourself even if the rest of the world does. Rather bow yourself before the Lord and seek His forgiveness, who will wash you white as snow and restore your dignity as He did the adulterous woman's. Don't you know that because Jesus the judge acquitted her, no one could condemn her or accuse her anymore? That means when they saw her, no one could say "look there goes that adulterous woman". Do you know why? Because, Jesus' actions put her in the same boat as her accusers - they were all wrongdoers and therefore no one had the right to judge nor condemn another! How beautiful, but true and practical for the world we live in. Never let yourself be judged and condemned by another. God's word tells us only He can judge us. Yet His word says if you confess your sins and repent (that is turn away from such behaviors), He not only forgives but restores you to dignity!

Are there any accusers in your life? No matter where they come from or who they are, learn to address your situation in the ways above and you will live your life in the beauty that God has ordained for in it. Live well and God bless you richly in Jesus name, amen!

I've had plenty of success in my ministry -- probably too much for my own good. But I've had a few whopping failures too. The most recent was a six-year attempt to resurrect my denomination's Sunday schools. However, all failure is not loss. Even failures can be successful, if we learn from them. What are the lessons that failure can teach?

1. It reminds us of our limitations. 
   
   Failure shows us we're not invincible after all. It purges personal pride. Crucifies arrogance. Success teaches us self-reliance and to trust our own cleverness; failure instructs us to rely more on God. 

2. Failure helps us empathize. 
   
   A leader who never fails often dismisses unsuccessful people as lazy, stupid, or just plain "losers." Once you've laid an egg or two of your own, you get more empathy for people who do their own bellyfloppers. 

3. Failure teaches us about timing. 
   
   Sometimes our timing is off. I learned this several years ago when I launched a massive program to persuade my entire denomination to unplug their television sets during the first week of January to spend more time with family, read the bible, and pray.
   
   It sounded like a brilliant idea to me. But it fell flat on its face. Not just because of the playoffs (though that was a timing factor too) but for another reason. My denomination still has a lot of refugees from legalism. They wanted nothing whatsoever to do with unplugging their TVs -- the whole idea sounded like we were turning back the clock. So it flopped.
   
   But in the years since, there have been several totally secular movements with the same goal that have achieved grand success. I suppose with such secular support the idea might fly today. My timing was off.
   
   I've seen pastors do this with votes on building programs or adding staff. Sometimes we try to do the right thing at the wrong time, so we fail. 

4. Failure teaches us to see the parts, not just the whole. 
   
   When the whole enchilada is going up in smoke, we learn to look for little successes within the larger failure -- people we have ministered to, lives that have been changed, prayers answered, early signs of a turnaround. And, after all, when we all finally retire and review our life of ministry, we'll not remember the big successes anyway. It will be the individual people down through the years whom we helped and whose lives were changed. 

5. Some failures happen because of the size of the task. 
   
   Some goals will never find total success: "Winning the world to Jesus," "Discipling people to perfect Christ-likeness," "Developing a well-trained ministry." Yet these tasks are worthwhile anyway. In fact, perhaps they are worthwhile because they are too big to accomplish. With such tasks, the romance is in trying even though failing. More important than our failure may be determining what we failed trying to do. 

6. Failure can tell us we've got the wrong job. 
   
   Ministry is not a one-size-fits-all task. Some jobs don't fit some leaders. Some leaders who would do quite well somewhere else flop where they are. It's a "bad fit." Sometimes we have to fail at one place so we can leave and go succeed somewhere else. Our successor may succeed where we have failed -- not because they are better, but because they are different. They "fit" better. And so do you, now. 

7. Failure reminds us of the "Nazareth principle." 
   
   Face it, there are some churches Jesus himself couldn't resurrect. Causes too. 

8. Failure reminds us of the Kingdom's seasonal nature. 
   
   Taking in a grand harvest is the most "successful" work of all. But sometimes we are on duty when harvesting is "out of season." What then? We must "be instant in season and out of season." Sometimes God uses one leader to plant a crop, or prepare the soil, or do the watering, but it will be a later pastor or leader who gets to reap the harvest. Our "failure" is really a stage in the cycle. 

9. Failure reminds us of our faulty definition of success. 
   
   How is "success" defined in the church? The same way it's defined in the world: numbers, money, fame. And, though we deny having these values, most of us still live by them, or at least keep our eye on them. However, when you experience failure, God's corrective definition of success (eventually) looms much larger. And God's definition is the only one that counts. 

So, have you ever failed?  What did you learn from it? 

Keith Drury is professor of pastoral ministry at Indiana Wesleyan University and is author of numerous books and articles. For more responses to Keith's questions, go to www.indwes.edu/tuesday/salt_r.htm.

Joyce Meyer shares the Seven Things that Steal Your Joy. You will explore seven "Joy Stealers" that can keep you from being happy with your life, along with seven "Joy Keepers" that will teach you to turn to God and rejoice in His grace.

JOY STEALER #1 - WORKS OF THE FLESH

When we want something so badly that we cannot be happy without it, it is no longer a normal, godly desire. It has become a lust. If there is anything in life that is more important to us than God, He is not going to give it to us.

If you never get the thing you are believing for, can you still love God and be happy? You have to get to the point where you can be happy without having what you want, or you will never receive it.

The bottom line is if you want to have laughter and joy in your life, stop living by works of the flesh and start living by the promises of God. Stop trying to make things happen yourself. Tell God what you want, believe what He says about it in His Word, and let Him bring it to pass.

How can you tell when you are into works of the flesh?

As soon as you start struggling and trying to make something happen, and then you become frustrated because it is not happening, you are into works of the flesh.

Many times, our attitudes toward our circumstances can keep us from having the blessings God wants to give us.

Works that don't work will steal your joy. The promise of God will leave you laughing. Trying to speed things up to get what God has promised to give you is a work of the flesh, and this Joy Stealer will leave you frustrated and fruitless. The decision is yours. Which will you choose?

JOY STEALER #2: RELIGIOUS LEGALISM

Your joy will be stolen if you rely on following a strict set of rules to feel righteous in the eyes of God. Legalistic people are tied up in their own works instead of the work of Jesus and bind themselves to unrealistic, religious laws of their own making. Being led only by rules of religion can keep people from seeing the miracles that God is performing every day.

There was a time when a person's relationship with God was based on a strict set of rules. But Jesus came and established a covenant of grace. Our salvation and our relationship with Him are no longer based on keeping certain rules. All we have to do is believe, depend on Him, and act on what He tells us to do.

You are never going to enjoy the promise of the new life Jesus died to give you until you change the way you think. It's not about what you can do--it's about what Jesus has done for you. Trying to face all the challenges of everyday life can cause you to get into human works, which rob you of your peace, joy, self-respect, and confidence.

As children of God, we were never intended to live in legalistic bondage or any other kind of bondage. We should be experiencing glorious freedom and liberty--freedom to enjoy all God has given to us through His Son, Jesus. Remember, there is no bondage or burden in God. His rules are fulfilling and liberating.

I encourage you to lay aside the limitations and defeat of legalism and do your best, beginning right now, to enjoy the life of freedom God has prearranged for us through Jesus.

The aim of God's law is to restrain evil tendencies. But the law in itself does not have power to make people want to obey it. The real function of the law is to make us recognize our sin and realize our need of a Savior. Remember, God gave the law so that we would realize what a mess we are without Him. We all have sinned, but by grace God will empower us to lose the desire to continue sinning.

There is a balance between disciplining ourselves and not coming under bondage to self-made laws. Obviously, God's commandments need to be followed. But when we follow a godly desire in our hearts to do the right thing, we no longer need to be led by the letter of the law.

Joy comes in following a heart that is made righteous by God. When the Spirit of God is in you, the law of God is written in your heart. We need to be free of traditional legalism and see what new things God wants us to do. God wants us to depend on Him and be led by the Holy Ghost.

As your relationship with God matures, you will find yourself living less by guidelines, rules, and regulations, and more by the desires of your heart.

Once you are free in Christ, stand fast in that liberty and do not become ensnared with the Joy Stealer of legalism, which is the yoke of bondage that you have put off. God wants to bring you into a new place that is full of freedom to follow your heart because that is where His law abides.

For an example from Scripture on this topic, read John 9.

Joy Stealer #3- Complicating Simple Issues

Having the tendency to complicate things is another thing that will steal your joy. Learn to keep life as simple as possible. Jesus has told us what to do to begin to follow God's plan: Believe! Serving God should not be complicated, and yet it can become very complicated and complex. I believe we are the ones who make it that way.

Think about the simple, uncomplicated approach a child has to life. They are carefree and completely without concern. It is their nature to trust unless they have had an experience in that area that taught them otherwise. Jesus wants us to grow and mature in our behavior, but He also wants us to remain childlike with an attitude of trust and dependence toward Him. All He wants to hear us say is "I believe it."

Believing simplifies life. It releases joy and leaves us free to enjoy our lives while God takes care of our circumstances. That is what you have to start doing if you want to have any joy. Simply believe God.

I believe God has a plan for your breakthrough--but you have to trust Him. You have to believe. You have to do things His way whether it makes any sense to you or not. Living a complicated lifestyle will steal your joy. Simplicity will bring power and peace.

It may be difficult to do, but you can learn to have a simple approach to everything. It begins by accepting the simplicity that is yours in Christ Jesus. Trust releases both peace and joy, as well as the blessings of God, and it is the key to enjoying every single day of your life.

Do you feel that your life is still too complicated? I believe Satan works overtime to complicate everything he can that involves us. He wants to distract us with confusion and complications so we cannot enjoy God's blessings.

If you want to live a less complicated life, you may have to simplify it by not doing so much. You are too busy if you never have time to rest. You are too busy if you never have time to laugh or have any fun. Choose the better part of life, and take time to enjoy important moments. Spend time with your family. Spend time with your spouse, your children, and your grandkids. Spend time with friends. Enjoy God.

The Bible message is simple: Love God and love others. The gospel is simple: Jesus loves us, this we know. Why? Because the Bible tells us so. Even the plan of salvation is simple: Jesus died for us. He paid the price for our sin. How much simpler can it be?

It is amazing how a straightforward, uncomplicated message can change your life and bring joy. God did not mean for life to be complicated. Jesus taught us that to be full of joy is simple. If you want joy in your life, simply ask God for it.

For an example from Scripture on this topic, read Luke 10:38–42, Mary and Martha

Joy Stealer #4- Excessive Reasoning

Excessive reasoning is another thing that steals our joy. Reasoning occurs when we try to figure out the "why" or "how" behind something. If you want to have joy, you must stop trying to figure out everything. God knows why things happen. If God wants to tell you, He will tell you. But don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.

"Why, God, why?" and "When, God, when?" are two statements that can keep us frustrated and prevent us from enjoying the lives Jesus died to give us. We need to learn to trust God, not ourselves. No one is smart enough to figure out everything in this life. Thank God, we don't have to. You have only two options in life. You can try to do everything yourself, or you can let God do it for you.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with pondering some things in our hearts. Many times it is while we are pondering or meditating on something that God gives us revelation or understanding. But it is one thing to ponder; it is another thing to worry. As soon as you become confused, you have left off pondering and gone into excessive reasoning.

When you trust God, you can relax and enjoy life. You don't have to go through life worrying and trying to figure out how to solve all your problems. Stop worrying. Stop complicating your life by trying to figure out everything. Pray and trust God, and He will show you what to do at the right time.

The way to win over the Joy Stealer of excessive reasoning is to be confident in God's ability to take care of everything that concerns you.

You will keep your joy if you remain confident in who you are in Christ. Then your confidence will be in Him, not in your own ability to understand everything that is happening.

It takes a long time to get to the point where we have all our confidence in Christ and none in ourselves. When we put our confidence in ourselves, we become foolish because our flesh is weak. When we look unto Him, we look away from ourselves for whatever it is we need to accomplish.

There is a righteousness that is available to us by grace, not by works. It is righteousness through Christ. Our prayers are answered because of Christ's righteousness, not because of self-righteousness before God. Our favor with God is based in our dependence on and confidence in Christ alone. Our joy is found in Christ, and that is the confidence God wants us to have every day.

Instead of having great confidence in ourselves, we need to learn to rest in God. God holds the entire universe together. Everything in the world is supported and upheld by the power of His Word. If He can keep all that together, surely He can keep our lives together.

Practice this Joy Keeper of being confident in God as you face new trials. The next time you are tempted to be anxious remember that excessive reasoning will rob you of joy.

Be bold and confident in God. Just ask for what you need, boldly and in faith, without wavering, hesitating, or doubting, knowing that your righteousness is in Christ.

For an example from Scripture on this topic, read 2 Chronicles 20:1-20, Jahaziel's message to Jehoshaphat.

Joy Stealer #5 - Ungodly Anger

Many times anger is how we express our dissatisfaction with life. If you have anger in your heart or your home, don't feel condemned. When kept in balance, the emotion of anger serves a good purpose. If we weren’t able to become angry, we would never know when someone was mistreating us. Like pain, it is there to warn us that something is not right. Our job is not so much to try to get rid of anger, but to learn how to handle it.

When you experience the emotion of anger, you shouldn't act on your feelings. Wait for emotions to subside and then decide what you should do. Think about something to be glad about. Let your gladness overcome your madness. Let your joy overcome your sadness. If you are going to live a joyful, victorious life, you have to do so by choice.

We are taught that we are to be imitators of God. So however God is, that is the way we should be. When we can let go of an offense, it is a godly thing.

Even God has righteous anger--anger against sin, injustice, rebellion, and pettiness. Aren't you glad that He doesn't stay mad, and He doesn't hold a grudge? God wants us to be the same way. God gives you forgiveness, and He expects you to give it away. He gives you mercy, and He expects you to give it away. He doesn't stay angry with you, and He expects you not to stay angry with other people.

Once the Joy Stealer of anger has been confronted in your life, fill your heart with forgiveness.

Joy Stealer #6: Jealousy and Envy

Coveting what others have is a big, big reason why people lose their joy. God wants His children to learn to love their own houses, their own spouses, their own gifts and abilities, their own positions and possessions--not someone else's. We should never want what someone else has to the point that we become envious or jealous. These negative emotions poison our own lives and hinder loving relationships with others.

God puts gifts in people for the benefit of others. God has gifted certain individuals and brought them into our lives so they can share their gifts with us and we can share our gifts with them. That is how the body of Christ works together to bless one another.

When we judge others for what they own--their houses, their cars, their jewelry, their clothes--it is usually because we are unhappy with what we have, not with what they have. Instead of being unhappy or jealous or envious when God blesses someone with something we would like to have, we can be happy for them and let their blessing be an encouragement to us, believing that what God did for them, He can do for us.

Envy and jealousy will cause us to strive after things God will give us in His timing, if it is His will that we have them. Striving to change our situations or circumstances will only steal our joy.

When you begin to feel jealous or envious, be honest with God and ask Him to help you live free from it. Then replace those feelings of jealousy with your own promises from the Word of God, and trust Him to perform His good plan in your life until you see results.

You won't be tempted to covet what someone else has if you simply obey what the Lord tells you to do. Obedience will cause you to be radically and outrageously blessed!

If you have lost your joy, I suggest that you surrender your will to God, because He wants to radically bless you. Start by praying, "Lord, Your will be done and not mine."

I believe that to whatever degree we love Him, to that degree we will also obey Him. As our love for Jesus grows, our obedience becomes more radical. I believe that as we obey God more, we will love Him more, and that obedience will bring such outrageous blessings, our love will grow deeper and deeper for Him. And to whatever degree we are obeying God, we can truly say that is the measure of our love for Him. As our love grows, our joy will abound.

If it is God telling you to do something, you will feel joy once you obey Him. He will guide you through your conscience and keep you in perfect peace. Present yourself to God, and listen. Even if you don't hear from Him, you will honor Him by seeking Him. He promises that if you seek Him, you will find Him--you will get a Word from God. It may not be in our timing, but God will speak to us and let us know the way we should go.

God will lead you by an inner knowing, by common sense, by wisdom, and by peace. If you follow God's voice, you will be radically and outrageously blessed.

For an example from Scripture on this topic, read Genesis 37, Joseph and his brothers.

FOR WOMEN ONLY (FWO)

'WOMAN' together with man, has dominion over the whole of creation.

QUESTION: What does this mean? Send in your answers.

Although you have been injured, you are still a capable person. There are things you can do to feel in control again.

Talk to Someone

Talk about what happened with a trusted friend, family member, pastor, co-worker, or counselor. Don't keep it bottled up inside.

Talk about your feelings, no matter how "strange" they may seem to you. Fear, rage, confusion, shame, or betrayal -- the feelings you are going through are normal and natural.

Talking about your feelings helps keep them from being pushed down. If you don't share them, the pressure of repressing them may suddenly explode into inappropriate actions. Or it could have harmful effects on you such as sickness or long-term depression.

You may feel more comfortable talking to people who have gone through similar situations. Check on whether appropriate support groups are available in your area. Local newspapers often list them. Your public library or church may also have this information.

Don't Blame Yourself

Remind yourself -- again and again, if needed -- that you are not to blame for what happened. There is no "right" way you should have acted to prevent what happened; the people who committed the crime are responsible for their own behavior. You are not weak or inadequate because you were not able to prevent the crime. Doing "all the right things" cannot guarantee a totally safe life.

Take Action to Begin to Restore Order

It's important that you start to regain a sense of control over your life -- even in small ways.

• Call the police and report the crime. 

• If you have been physically injured, seek immediate medical help. 

• Clean up any damage -- but not until after the police have been there. A friend, family member, or neighbor could help. 

• Make your home more secure. 

• Report stolen documents and get them replaced. Remember, credit cards, checkbooks, and many security documents can be used by other people. In most circumstances you are not responsible for the illegal use of credit cards after you report their disappearance. 

• File insurance claims. 

• Find out if your state offers victims assistance or compensation. Check with your district attorney, or see our list of victim-assistance resources.

Ask Someone to Help You

Don't feel ashamed or guilty about asking someone to help you tackle any of the above tasks. A close friend or family member will understand that it's hard to clean up after a crime because everything suddenly feels "tainted." A loved one will understand that it's hard to concentrate at times, so you could use some help filling out insurance forms and reporting stolen credit cards. And don't hesitate to ask someone to stay over -- or let you spend the night -- if you don't feel safe alone. It's okay to need help and to lean on others for support.

Remember: Things Will Get Better

Things may never be the same as before the crime. But they will get better. And you can get better. As the Bible promises, "At night we may cry, but when morning comes we will celebrate," (Ps. 30:5).

An interview with Dee Engel, minister to families at Trinity United Presbyterian Church in Santa Ana, Calif.

FM: Why does a busy, productive children's pastor take a day off for a prayer and planning day?

Dee Engel: It's hard to listen to God when there's so much going on. I go and get away -- I often go to the desert or to the beach in the off season. I find I need to get away. I spend a lot of time listening and being quiet -- not doing anything. Sometimes I just crawl into bed and lay there for a while, and forget I have anything to do.

FM: What kinds of things do you do on this day?

Engel: Sometimes I spend time in deep Bible study because on a daily basis I'm at the devotional end of things. Children's pastors don't routinely study in the same depth that people do for youth and adults. We spend more time on a new approach or learning activities than with Scripture study.

I often have a time of worship with a CD or tape. For six months, I did some meditations out of the book, Listening to God. Or I'll spend hours at a time digging through some deeper ministry issue or praying for the staff and their needs.

FM: Any variations on this theme?

Engel: About twice a year, I share this day with a really good friend. We spend part of the time separate, and part of it together.

FM: How do you know what you're going to do on this day?

Engel: I usually don't know. I don't have the same agenda each month. If I structured it, I'd still be working. I wouldn't be relaxed before God.

FM: What do you take with you on these days?

Engel: I take my prayer notebook. In it are hymns I can sing, Scriptures I can read, sheets of prayer requests. I take notes from teachers and friends who have asked me to pray for special requests. I'll take a book about a new concept -- a new area in ministry. I'll read a chapter and chew it over for a while.

FM: This sounds like a nice idea -- but not something a children's pastor would get around to doing.

Engel: It's terribly hard to guard that day. I have to schedule it into my calendar. In January, I schedule days for the whole year. At times I must be flexible and reschedule, but I try my best to hold to the days I've scheduled.

At a networking conference with 35 to 40 children's pastors in the room, I talked about this. Maybe two others did something like this. Some decided to try it for a half-day. The longer I'm in ministry, you gotta have that kind of balance in life. I'm a busy person, but I need those kinds of times too.

You Can Reach Dee Engel at:

Dee Engel, Minister to Families
Trinity United Presbyterian Church
13922 Prospect Ave.
Santa Ana, CA 92705
Dee@tupcsa.org

Losing self-control leaves you as helpless as a city without a wall.
-- Proverbs 25:28  

God's Spirit makes us. … self-controlled.
-- Galatians 5:22, 23

Do your best to improve your faith. You can do this by (practicing) self-control.
-- 2 Peter 1:5,6     

God's Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.
-- 2 Timothy 1:7  

Tips on passing these verses on to your child:

• Say one of them as a family before grace at dinner.             
• Say one as your parting words to your child before school or an outing.             
• One mother has her child write a verse 10 times if he demonstrates a lack of self-control.

Sharing my Christian faith with my best friend in high school at times seemed hopeless. I tried several approaches, but nothing worked. Our friendship was typified by contrasts -- her perfect family and my broken home, her cheerleading outfit and my band uniform. How could I sell her on love, joy, and peace when she thought she had it all?

The day before we both left for college, I opened up, "I love you, Gina. If you were in a burning building, I'd go in to get you. I want you to know Jesus Christ so that we can be in heaven together." She said nothing and I was too scared to ask for a reaction.

During a visit six years later, Gina casually asked if I knew so-and-so, whom she had met as a fellow counselor at a church camp. When I asked her if she had accepted Christ, she laughed and nodded her head.

"I went to church with you that time and read that book you gave me," she said, "but I was waiting to see if your faith was important enough that you'd talk to me about it. I wondered if church was just a social club -- if you thought Christ was right for you, but not for me. But when you spoke up, I knew you meant it."

Silence is Not Always Golden

I shudder to think that I almost didn't say anything to her about Christ. Not only would Gina have been the loser, but I would have been too. Discovering that God used me in her life gave me a joy I still know today.

Witnessing, or even contemplating it, quickens our heart rate and thickens our tongues. We're reluctant to be "hit and run" witnesses who meet people, zap them with the gospel, and quickly exit. So, instead, we retreat to "silent witnessing," setting an example but saying nothing. Neither fully communicates the gospel. The first is talking without caring and the second is caring without talking.

Silent witnessing sounds good. "Just live the Christian life," I was advised, "and people will see Christ in you." But I didn't and they didn't. Truly "living the life" is difficult. You're never good enough. You have to be better, love better, and know more than everyone else for anyone to even notice.

I remember when I sported a metallic fish on the back of my car to enhance my silent witness. But I shuddered over my unintentional discourtesies in traffic. I wanted to flash a sign out the window that said, "I'm only a sinner saved by grace. Don't blame Jesus for my mistakes."

Buttons and bumper stickers are useful but they and other silent affirmations of our faith are flimsy pillars on which to base the bulk of our witness. They provide no interaction.

Showing That We Care

Silent witnessing isn't enough. Jesus, the only person who ever earned the right to be an example by living a perfect life didn't do that only. He taught continually.

And he commanded us to teach. How often I have wished that the Great Commission said, "Go ye, therefore, and let your actions speak louder than words before all nations." Instead, I have found that my silence destroys my witness so I have decided to let my witness destroy my silence.

In an effort to balance words and works, we need to show non-Christians that we care. Once we build genuine friendships and win a hearing, we can engage people in natural conversations about the Lord. But how do we find ways of discussing Christ without coming on too strong? God has a way of opening doors through adverse circumstances, transparent answers, and discussion starters.

Adverse Circumstances

It's interesting that one of the witnessing "proof texts" is found in a book that tells us how to endure suffering. Peter wrote to the much-persecuted early Christians, "Always be ready to give an answer when someone asks you about your hope. Give a kind and respectful answer and keep your conscience clear. This way you will make people ashamed for saying bad things about your good conduct as a follower of Christ," 1 Peter 3:15-16.

Adverse circumstances cut away at the surface issues of life and entice others to ask about our faith. I discovered this when five broken bones kept me laid up in a hospital for seven weeks. Those traction weights and casts piqued the curiosity of my roommates, their visitors, and even the staff workers and nurses.

"You certainly have a lot of friends," they'd say as the visitors would come by. "They're my church friends," I'd explain. "They're bringing food to my family and watching my chidren." I've never been quizzed so much before or since about my faith. Why? My injuries provided an effective backdrop for sharing the gospel.

Transparent Answers

"Hit and run evangelism" has soured us on saying God's name in the presence of a non-Christian, even if it's appropriate. One day, as I waited for my children, I was reading my Bible at the public library. A clerk asked if I was studying. Even though I had prayed for an opportunity to witness to the library personnel, I almost gave her a simple, "Yes." Then I realized that this was my opportunity to introduce Christ into the conversation.

I was scared. "I'm reading the Bible," I croaked. The word "Bible" sounded so odd within the walls of our public library -- not the way it fit at home or at church. To my surprise, she asked me about my faith.

Even if we overdo our sharing, we have the option of confessing it. In her book, Out of the Saltshaker and Into the World, Rebecca Manley Pippert tells about how she apologized to a woman with whom she came on too strong. Noting the glazed look on the woman's face, Becky confessed that she did not like it when people pushed religion on her either. This frank admission surprised the woman so much that she invited Becky to continue talking about Christ.

Discussion Starters

I've discovered some openers quite by accident. Once the man behind me in the grocery line pumped me about my faith when he noticed I was wearing a T-shirt with my church's name on it. Once when I was reading a Christian magazine during my daughter's ballet lesson, another mother asked me questions.

Being helpful can be a lead-in. When I comforted a child who fell off the slide in the park, her mother thanked me, giving me that glowing look which meant, "What a wonderful person you are."

I decided that there was something more important than having people think I was nice -- their salvation. So I blurted out, "We have a mother's club at our church. Would you like to come?" We exchanged telephone numbers and she never came to the mother's club, but she started attending her own church again.

This differs from the "silent witness" approach in that kindness, T-shirts, and magazines do not replace words, but they create opportunities to speak up. In addition, helping someone forms a bond that gives us courage to talk about something as personal as our faith.

If a topic of faith does not surface on its own, try this opening question, suggested by Paul Little in his book, How to Give Away Your Faith: "Are you interested in spiritual things?" This wording helps us find out if and how people relate to God.

As a follow-up question, Little suggested, "What do you think a real Christian is?" This query sidesteps typical peripheral issues such as "hypocrites in the church." After listening to answers, which may include cultural taboos or church attendance, we can then point to the biblical mark of a Christian -- a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Some of us worry that we will stumble over our words as we share our faith. Perhaps that's preferable. Non-Christians have heard too many polished, memorized speeches about Christianity. They need to hear sincere expressions from the heart of what God means to us and how God makes a difference in our lives.

Why Witnessing is Important to Us

Evangelism reaffirms our own faith. Sharing the truth about Jesus Christ and freedom from sin strengthens us. "It's like attending a wedding," a friend says. "You say your vows with the new couple and you leave with your own commitment refreshed."

In addition, witnessing helps us avoid majoring in minors by reminding us of our highest priorities as Christians -- evangelism and discipleship. It keeps us from being content just attending church programs. Our feelings don't get hurt so easily when another person's salvation is uppermost in our minds.

Sharing our faith also teaches us to trust. As we lean on Christ for courage, we see Christ do miraculous things. We look to Christ constantly for direction. We start a cycle -- the more we witness, the more we trust. The more we trust, the more we want to witness.

Jan Johnson is the author of Living a Purpose-Full Life and the upcoming book, Growing Compassionate Kids (Upper Room Books, 2001).

If you have been blessed by what you have read in the past two weeks, get the last 7 days of the 21 days devotional and more by buying the whole book "New Women's Devotional Bible" from www.crossings.com