No other topic in Christianity has provoked the ‘war of the sexes’ as the issue of wives submitting to their husbands. While for some women it has stirred up bitterness, others have become objects of spousal abuse. Yet some have found their sweet spot in this place called “submission to one’s husband”. What causes the difference in the perception and therefore resulting attitudes towards what I call, “wifely submission”? A trip to the Bible can help put all of this into perspective.

The first biblical reference to the relative positions of ‘husbands and wives’, is found in Genesis 3.16, “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Woman’s punishment after the fall was to come second in command to her husband. By this decree, God stated that man should have authority, to the point of decision-making over and regarding his wife. (Let me quickly add that, this is only between a man and his wife, not between all men and women, as some have been apt to think. God still maintains the equality between men and women and only changes the status quo, in marriage).

The words with which God describes the woman’s submission, “rule” leave no doubt to the mind that in marriage, He places the husband in charge and the woman’s authority subject to her husband’s. The word ‘rule’ means, “to control or have dominion”. God did not give either husband or wife the choice to either be in charge or submit; He decreed it and it was so. As one of God’s principles it does not change, however the point to note here is that this decree was a curse as a result of sin. Just as man’s labor was a curse as the result of sin. But herein lies the good news that God made a way to restore mankind’s relationship with Him (thereby eradicating every curse (both male and female) in Eden). God did not eradicate His laws or decrees; justice demanded that they stand, but through Jesus Christ the penalty for sins in Eden and beyond was paid. So that through Christ mankind can be restored to God and one another without upsetting the balance of God’s justice and righteousness.

The key word here is ‘through Christ’. Only through Christ, means by following Christ’s directives and submitting to His leadership (doing His will) can the curse over man and woman in Eden be erased. And God through Christ has given us the key to the curse of man’s dominion over woman. Whereas without Christ, submission to one’s husband was punishment, as a Christian, the woman does it out of love for Christ, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”(Ephesians 5.2) The term unto the Lord simply means as you would to Christ. How does a Christian woman submit to Christ? Just as every other believer, she shows her love for Christ by serving Him and being obedient to Him in everything. She seeks in all things to be pleasing to her Maker by seeking to know Christ and walking in His path everyday. And she does all of this out of love, and not as punishment! Therefore this is exactly how the Bible wants every Christian woman to be with her husband. So Christian wives, seek to know and follow the hearts of your husbands, this is what is pleases God, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” (Ephesians 5.23-24)

To be continued.

"For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath."Matthew 25:29.

Lesson Text: Matthew 13:3-23  and Matthew 25: 14-30

And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying, Behold, a sower went forth to sow; And when he sowed, some seeds fell by the way side, and the fowls came and devoured them up: Some fell upon stony places, where they had not much earth: and forthwith they sprung up, because they had no deepness of earth: And when the sun was up, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away. And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprung up, and choked them: But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear. And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables? He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given. For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive: For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them. But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear. For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them. Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower. When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side. But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended. He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful. But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.

For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money. After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strowed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strowed:  Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Of all the human relationships, the marriage relationship is the only one that has been likened to the christian's relationship with Jesus Christ. It is therefore no wonder that the christian's perspective and understanding of marriage is based upon the relationship of Christ with His bride: us, the church. Therefore it is from this understanding and perspective that we shall attempt to address the topic of fruitfulness in marriage.

Many marriages (both christian and non-christian) are inundated with complaints, which address some missing ingredient in either the marriage or in one spouse to another. Many have attempted to fill in the missing ingredient in most marriages by attempting to either cultivate or implement the missing ingredient. However, as most marriage counselors will tell you, this method works well for some, but for others, it is only a temporary filling and there are soon back to the defiency level.

Today we shall address filling in the missing ingredient in marriage by one of Christ's most salient principles. That is the principle of maximizing what you already have in order to get what you lack.

Every marriage relationship begins from the illustration of Matthew 13:3-23. Every couple starts out with a measure of love, attraction or whatever it is that brought them together. Some start out with a little love, a little financial resources, etc., others start out with a lot of love, a lot of romance and a lot of financial resources. No two couples are equipped in the same measure of love, affection, wisdom, fertility or material resources in their marriage. However the good news of this message is that no matter what and how much of 'what' you are equipped with in your marriage, your marriage can go beyond what it started out with to become enriched in all areas! The success of one's marriage is not based on how much or how little of the desired traits are present in one's marriage, rather it is based on how one handles the little or much that one has been given to start out with.

Even as the sower in Jesus' parable represents God, so also is God the sower of that which every couple has to begin married life with. God does not discriminate, but as the second parable tells us, He gives each one according to their ability. So whereas you or others might think your marriage lacks something or is deficient in an area, compared to that of other couples, it is not. You and your spouse have been given the determined amount that either one of you can handle in order to start the relationship. What you all do from then on, is what makes the difference to either increase in the good qualities thereby making a successful marriageor decrease in them thereby resulting in a troubled or failed marriage, or even never change.

Let me quickly add here, that 'change' which can either be growth or death, is a definitive characteristic of every living thing. And it only bears to reason that since the marriage relationship is between two living people, the relationship should undergo change. The desired change of course is growth, that is positive change and increase in the right direction. However, just as with every living thing from plants to micro-organisms to people, if they are not properly nurtured the opposite occurs. That is degeneration and possible sickness and death. But no living thing is stagnant! Not even in death! No change is an aberration of a living thing. No wonder according to the parable, God (the master) abhors it. Every marriage relationship therefore will manifest some change, the question is "is the change growth or death of what you already had to begin with?"

Since no sane couple ever gets married with the intention of killing their relationship, I can boldly say that every couple's desire and hope is for a successful marriage. Which can be translated to mean, the maintenance and increase of the factors that made them commit to one another in the first place. The question is how? How does one maintain and ensure the increase of the positive factors that brought together in the first place in order to have the desired successful marriage? 

Let us learn how from Jesus' parable about the talents. The servants who had five and two talents respectively, were commended for increasing and doubling what they had to begin with. However, the third servant who had the least was berated and punished because he did nothing to improve upon and increase what he started out with. His was considered a severe enough misdemeanour  that what he had was taken away and given to the servant who had the most and he was jailed with hard labor. 

• Our first lesson therefore is to learn that it is criminal to be married and do nothing to keep and improve upon whatever you and your spouse had to begin with. It is crucial and threatening to the life of one's marriage to do nothing about what you had together in the first place. The emphasis is upon what you already had or have, and not what you would like to have. What you would like to have is not reality yet, but what you already have is; that is what is tangible. And that is what both of you can work with, not what you would like to have. The third unprofitable servant could not work with what he had, because he focused on what he would like to have: a kind and loving master. So he could not work with what he had, which was (according to the servant's perception) a wicked master. Therefore bride and groom either as you go into or live your life together as husband and wife, do not let your focus be on how you would like your relationship to be, rather acknowledge what it already is and strive to maintain and feed the positives so that they grow.

• Feed the strengths of your marriage, so that the change can only be one way: positive. Focusing on and feeding the positives in one's marriage creates an increase in the positive, which is also known as growth. This minimizes and overshadows the negatives. This eventually will get the marriage where you hoped it would be. Do not neglect what you already have or take it for granted. If you do, be assured you will not only lose what you already had, but also, the marriage will be turned into a living hell one where "there is weeping and gnashing of teeth (regrets)".

TO BE CONTINUED.

Every Marriage Needs A Friend

We all, more or less, start  out life as a blank page. This page gets filled up first, from our homes (where we learn speech, language, culture, etc) and then later by education, job or career training and lastly by life experiences.

The one truth that is glaring from all of this, but which the average person seems to miss, is that for every aspect of life, one is trained toward some acceptable standard. While this seems to hold for things like education and jobs, it is sadly lacking in one of the greatest aspects of life - relationships.

Relationships  of whatever kind; parent-child, spouse-spouse, co-worker, sibling-sibling, friend-friend, etc. (You name it: consider whenever you have to interact with another human being, a relationship) seem to be the only area of life that people tend not to learn about or study to become proficient in. Therefore we go into life prepared for everything else but this. As a result, people go into relationships (of any kind), with little or no knowledge or training and attend to the relationships based on their instincts, personality, previous experience(s), etc. Is it any wonder then, the failure rates of relationships (of whatever kind) and trouble in the world?

Mary was wise. She realised that she did not have the knowledge for life which Christ taught and she decided to rectify this by learning at the feet of Jesus - the One who held the key to all of life's precepts. Her sister Martha on the other hand, probably considered that she had no need of learning, probably because, she thought she had already acquired the skills necessary for life (after all she knew enough 'etiquette' to entertain Jesus). But Jesus quickly put an end to this way of thinking, Luke 10:38-42.

A lot of the problems in the world today is caused by ignorance in this one area of life. Whatever your skill, job or level in life, determine to be like Mary; choose to rectify this lack by learning at Jesus's feet and get the knowledge to live right (in your relationships).

What you learn is one thing that can never be taken away from you. Knowledge changes everything. Knoweledge is what separates the caveman from civilisation. Consider that whatever area of your life that  you are not striving to acquire knowledge and learn about , you will stand as 'a caveman' so to speak. Therefore please move forward into development and progress today, by starting to learn about this area of your life - your relationships. 

 Further reading: Genesis 6:5.

Talk about your children to your spouse and to God.

Talking about them to God and your spouse, creates 'partnership parenting'. Partnership parenting, goes a long way to relieve the stress and difficulties of parenting. You are able to brainstorm (with your spouse) for solutions and decisions regarding your children. It also promotes knowledge of your children, for as you brainstorm you choose solutions and decisions that are based on your  recognition of your child's nature, abilities, etc. It gives both of you the oppurtunity to present a uniform front to the kids. Finally, it has a 'throw-back' benefit on your relationsip with your spouse - it draws both of you closer together.

Talking to God about your child, invites God into your parenting. It gives room for God to equip with what you need to raise your child the best way. Benefit:? Nobody else, knows you or your child like God does, so who best to teach you the best way to raise your child(ren). Get equipped by God to be a parent and you will not fail.

So get to talking to both God and your spouse about the kids!

May God bless you in Jesus name, amen.

Linda Kondracki Sibley, long-time children's minister and founder of Confident Kids, fervently believes that keeping families together for worship, teaching, fellowship, and service is important in the development of children and in the life of the family.

FM: Why all the recent emphasis on intergenerational ministry?

LKS: Children need to be raised in community where they have the opportunity to develop relationships with others of all ages. Most churches are age-segregated so that children form few relationships with other adults or with children older and younger than themselves. (see But Why Is Intergenerational Learning Suddenly So Important?)

Children also need intergenerational relationships to develop spiritually. We can't expect the one-hour program of Sunday school or children's church to raise children in the Christian faith. The church and home need to partner together. Too often, that's interpreted to mean simply that parents should help in Sunday school and that the Sunday school should send home papers to parents. Those things are valuable, but a church/home partnership means much more.

FM: What does it mean to raise children in community?

LKS: Let me give you an example. In response to a Search Institute study, the principal of a public middle school tried an experiment. He posted all 900 of the students' names on the cafeteria walls. Then he gathered all the adults with any contact with the students (including custodians and bus drivers) together and asked them to walk around the room and put a gold star by the name of kids they felt they knew well enough to say "hi" to outside of school.

The results were interesting: Gold stars abounded by the names of 25 percent of the kids. Another 25 percent received a few gold stars. But there were NO stars by the names of 50 percent of the kids. No adults within that school community felt that they knew those kids well enough to greet them if they saw them at the mall. According to the Search Institute, this is indicative of ALL communities throughout the country. It hurts to see how isolated many kids feel from adult relationships.

FM: What is the church's role in creating community for kids?

LKS: The church is one of the only, if not the only, institution within our communities that is truly intergenerational. By that, I mean it is one of the few places in which the whole family gets in the car and goes there together. But we need to ask this important question: What happens when they walk through the door of the church? In many churches today, the kids are age-segregated immediately. Adults go to the sanctuary and kids go to their classrooms and that's the end of it.

A truly intergenerational church understands that kids need to have relationships across age boundaries. In such a church, teens are encouraged and trained to work with younger children. Children and teens participate in worship services with adults, even if it is only for the first 15-30 minutes. There are a lot of activities in which the kids stay with the adults instead of being herded off to their own classrooms. People see themselves as part of a community, and the kids are an important part of the total community. The result? Teens and children feel like they're part of one big family.

FM: What would you say to someone who says that intergenerational ministry is just one more task being dumped on the church?

LKS: An intergenerational model is based on the biblical idea of community. When you look at the biblical model of passing on faith issues, it was always done in an intergenerational setting—the family or a larger community—not by sending kids to classrooms.

If you look at how Jewish people communicated faith to children, you see that it was a natural, everyday event full of questions and answers (Deut 6:6-9, 18-25). (for more information, see What Scripture Says About Intergenerational Learning.)

The American model of education says the best way to educate is to segregate by age, put kids in classrooms, and pour on content. But the passing on of faith is done in community, not just in classrooms. That's because children need a variety of relationships for healthy development. They need relationships with teens, extended family members, their other parents (in instances of divorce), parents of friends, coaches, elderly people. Hearing about faith in a classroom is not enough. Children need to see teens, adults, and the elderly living out their Christian faith.

For example, they need to see adults putting money in the offering plate. Then, on the way home, parents can talk about what that means and why they give money. Asking a child to put family money in the offering plate communicates to children, This is what our family does. This is good. As kids watch such things, their natural curiosity is stimulated by what is going on—why people are singing, or kneeling, or raising their hands. Parents can use this to teach about faith issues.

FM: As you've experimented with intergenerational approaches, what have you seen?

LKS: For one thing, adults have a hard time learning alongside children. Too often, children in the worship service are regarded as distractions that keep the adults from worshipping, rather than as an opportunity to teach children what worship is all about. And adults seldom participate with children in learning activities—instead they stand around and watch kids do activities while they talk to one another. This, of course, defeats the purpose of an intergenerational learning activity.

FM: What does an intergenerational program look like? Tell us about some of your experiments.

LKS: There are usually four components. Worship, teaching, fellowship, and service.

Worship

When I was a children's pastor, I insisted that during the summer kids go to church with their parents after attending Sunday school instead of our doing double programming for children (Sunday school and children's church). To help the children understand and participate in worship, I provided a children's bulletin for them. (I've since seen them produced commercially, but I made my own.)

First, I got a bulletin from the worship service and listed the order of worship. I added fill in the blank sentences and explanations such as:

• Take a hymnal and turn to page XX.
• We're going to sing this song. Follow the words if you can't sing the song.
• We're going to take an offering. Here's what the offering is for. One time I drew an offering plate and asked them to draw money in the plate.

I added a special note for anything special that was happening, such as if a visiting missionary or a baby dedication. I also condensed the pastor's sermon into one sentence and added an activity the children could do during the sermon time such as a puzzle about the sermon topic. Older kids were encouraged to read the Scripture of the day: "Look up this passage in the Bible and read it to yourself."

Finally, I included a blank sheet with a verse or topic at the top and asked the kids to draw a picture about it. As they left, they submitted their pictures in a box in the back of the sanctuary. Later that week, I'd choose one of the pictures to use as the front cover of the children's bulletin for the next week. This was a wildly successful idea!

FM: Any other details about the children's bulletin?

LKS: I printed the bulletin on brightly colored paper and folded it in half. Inside I put the paper for drawing or a puzzle sheet. Some churches even give out little boxes of crayons that can be returned at the end of the service. One church had special children's folders made from a manila file folder with a loop for pencil. The family returned it at the end of every service.

I also included a question on the back of the folder for parents to discuss during the ride home in the car. The question usually correlated to what happened in Sunday school or the worship service, following up what they learned that day.

FM: How can you help parents enjoy having children in the service?

LKS: It's important to prepare parents—all the adults, if possible. So before summer began, I sent out a letter, explaining what we were going to do. I included material from Karen Mains' book, Making Sunday Special (out of print) on the benefits of having kids in the worship service and how to make that work in a family.

Of course, not everyone responded favorably. I got letters, saying, "You forced us not to go to church this summer." But more often, I got feedback telling me, "I didn't want to do this, but it was good." Still others said, "I'm going to miss having my kids with me in church this fall."

FM: How could the worship service be modified to be more welcoming of children?

LKS: Ideally, the worship planners would ask themselves: What do we do in the service that works for youth and kids? What could we add that would make worship come alive for them? I'd love to see a worship team sit down with the youth group and ask, What could we do to make our worship service meaningful for you?

Becoming an intergenerational church does NOT mean you have to keep the kids in the service for the full time. It can be enough to have them stay for the worship singing, the offering, and perhaps a children's sermon. If children leave the service after the singing, it's good to have them stand and be prayed for before they leave. The adults can lay hands on any child near them as the prayer is offered.

Teaching

Advent workshops
Every Christmas we did an advent wreath workshop or a "Preparing for Christmas" workshop. For the advent wreath workshop, we used a large room and filled it with materials to make advent wreathes—chicken wire or styrofoam. The whole family came together and stayed together to make the wreath.

Then we set up rooms around the church for different activities: making Christmas crafts, taking family Christmas pictures with a Polaroid camera; making advent chains to count down the days of Christmas (any Christmas craft will do); playing games with Christmas ornaments; showing a 10-minute animated Christmas video; making cookies in the kitchen.

Families roamed from room to room, but children had to be accompanied by an adult. Sometimes older children went with one parent while younger children went with another parent. At end of evening, we had a very short time of worship together and ended the evening with cookies and cider.

Formal teaching
Some churches have intergenerational classes for whole families to attend together. When I teach these classes, I design the lesson on the 3-4th grade level with a lot of interactive activities. Instead of teachers teaching, I do some introductory teaching, but then spend most of the time having parents lead activities with their children. You can also set up learning centers so that parents and kids can do the learning activities together.

My goal is always to get parents interacting with their children. Many parents don't have a clue how to talk with kids about faith issues and these classes provide a format for that to take place. It takes time to train parents how to interact with their kids about faith.

You can also split the group for half the time so that parents can get some meaty content while kids are taught the Bible story. Then bring them together and have parents lead activities with kids.

Because intergenerational classes have limitations, you don't want to do this all the time. Offer an elective class occasionally, or do some intergenerational classes on summer Sunday mornings. Holidays and special events are also good times to offer intergenerational classes.

Fellowship

We don't realize how important it is for the church to provide opportunities for families to play together. Families today have few activities available to them that are low cost that the whole family can do together. Plus, it's hard for families to build support networks, to form relationships with other families who have the same value system.

In communities today, families are isolated and parents feel they're completely responsible for their family and they feel they have no one they can turn to when they need help. The church can help in this area by providing lots of opportunities for families to have fun together—and build relationships with other families in the church at the same time.

Yet families need a broader community than just themselves. Children need to be raised in a community of older children and adults. (This is not to say we don't build relationships with non-Christian families.) In this day and age, children need adult role models outside of their parents. Single-parent families especially need this. Yet not all adults in their lives reinforce godly values, so parents must seek out this sort of community.

One way to build community as well as meaningful relationships between adults and children is to provide fun activities that kids and adults can do together. These include such things as Christmas craft nights, game nights, days at the beach, or trips to apple country to pick apples.

Also, typical church activities can accomplish this goal. For example, church picnics can incorporate games done as families or games for all generations at the same time. One race can be just for grandparents and toddlers or an egg toss can pair up any adult and child.

Churches can use activities to encourage relationships between certain populations of families, too. For instance, all families with preschoolers can go to a petting zoo or all families with teens can go on an outing. At a church I served, we had a game night just for stepfamilies so stepfamilies could get to know other stepfamilies. I don't think all intergenerational programming should be targeted like this, but it can be useful to encourage relationships to develop between families.

Service

It's one thing to have a Sunday school lesson about serving others, but it's another to have families go to a shelter for the homeless and paint the walls or serve dinner. Our children need to see that serving is an important part of what we do and that we parents care about people other than ourselves. We need to model this and get children involved in serving. (For more thoughts and ideas on families serving together, check out the book, Growing Compassionate Kids)

These kinds of things are effective when sponsored by a Sunday school class. There are lots of service projects families can do, such as helping shut-ins with cleaning or yard work, raising money for a specific project, or putting on a church service at a retirement home (and the kids will steal the show!).

Families can go to church work days and wash windows or wash toys in the nursery. Families can be involved writing letters to missionaries or making a video to send to a missionary—with plenty of silly family things on it. A little brainstorming time will produce more projects than you will ever be able to do!

Family camps can combine all these things. It can be simple—everyone who has an RV can go camp at the lake. Or families can attend a structured family camp with teaching and worship.

In Summary

You don't do intergenerational activities 100 percent of the time. Families also need programs such as Mom's Day Out, or adult centered parenting classes—that's just as important. But the intergenerational times provide parents with rich opportunities to interact with their children about God, to model a life of faith and service, and to build relationships with others who will help them accomplish the task of bringing up children to be people of faith.

The study referred to in this article is referenced in Peter Benson, All Kids Are Our Kids (San Francisco, Calif., Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1997). Other references to intergenerational issues appear on pages pp. 11, 37-38, 44, 89-91, 114, 119, 147, 148-149, 150.

O. S. Hawkins, who pastors the 25,000-member First Baptist Church in Dallas, Texas, provides a valuable resource for both the laity and clergy.

While the book often dwells on the all-too-familiar landscape of moral failures in public and private life, Hawkins does uncover the "minor moral lapses" that shake and destroy the foundations of our faith and influence. For instance, the author traces the fault lines of Samson that produced major disasters 20 years later. He reveals the seismic forces at work in the lives of Adam and Eve, Joseph, Gehazi (Elisha's servant), King David, and Peter.

Homiletics professors and pastors in need of sermon material will also appreciate the alliteration that provides ready-made sermon outlines. David's moral failure reminds us to:

1. Recognize the Cause of Sin, 
2. Realize the Curse of Sin, and 

3. Review the Consequences of Sin.

Peter's slide down the "slippery slope" to denying his Savior is a seven-step (and seven-point) progression: Pride, Prayerlessness, Presumption, Paranoia, Peer pressure, Paralysis, and Perjury.

But the book is more than a source of Saturday night sermon preparation. Each chapter concludes with sort of a seismograph for self-evaluation designed to detect "the secret faults that may lay below the surface of our lives."

If there is one fault (no pun intended), the book does tend to sermonize a great deal, but it is a needful warning, particularly to those of us in public ministry.

Title: Moral Earthquakes and Secret Faults
Author: O.S. Hawkins
Publisher: Broadman & Holman Publishers
Pages: 196

We all, more or less, start  out life as a blank page. This page gets filled up first, from our homes (where we learn speech, language, culture, etc) and then later by education, job or career training and lastly by life experiences.

The one truth that is glaring from all of this, but which the average person seems to miss, is that for every aspect of life, one is trained toward some acceptable standard. While this seems to hold for things like education and jobs, it is sadly lacking in one of the greatest aspects of life - relationships.

Relationships  of whatever kind; parent-child, spouse-spouse, co-worker, sibling-sibling, friend-friend, etc. (You name it: consider whenever you have to interact with another human being, a relationship) seem to be the only area of life that people tend not to learn about or study to become proficient in. Therefore we go into life prepared for everything else but this. As a result, people go into relationships (of any kind), with little or no knowledge or training and attend to the relationships based on their instincts, personality, previous experience(s), etc. Is it any wonder then, the failure rates of relationships (of whatever kind) and trouble in the world?

Mary was wise. She realised that she did not have the knowledge for life which Christ taught and she decided to rectify this by learning at the feet of Jesus - the One who held the key to all of life's precepts. Her sister Martha on the other hand, probably considered that she had no need of learning, probably because, she thought she had already acquired the skills necessary for life (after all she knew enough 'etiquette' to entertain Jesus). But Jesus quickly put an end to this way of thinking, Luke 10:38-42.

A lot of the problems in the world today is caused by ignorance in this one area of life. Whatever your skill, job or level in life, determine to be like Mary; choose to rectify this lack by learning at Jesus's feet and get the knowledge to live right (in your relationships).

What you learn is one thing that can never be taken away from you. Knowledge changes everything. Knoweledge is what separates the caveman from civilisation. Consider that whatever area of your life that  you are not striving to acquire knowledge and learn about , you will stand as 'a caveman' so to speak. Therefore please move forward into development and progress today, by starting to learn about this area of your life - your relationships. 

 Further reading: Genesis 6:5.

Talk about your children to your spouse and to God.

Talking about them to God and your spouse, creates 'partnership parenting'. Partnership parenting, goes a long way to relieve the stress and difficulties of parenting. You are able to brainstorm (with your spouse) for solutions and decisions regarding your children. It also promotes knowledge of your children, for as you brainstorm you choose solutions and decisions that are based on your  recognition of your child's nature, abilities, etc. It gives both of you the oppurtunity to present a uniform front to the kids. Finally, it has a 'throw-back' benefit on your relationsip with your spouse - it draws both of you closer together.

Talking to God about your child, invites God into your parenting. It gives room for God to equip with what you need to raise your child the best way. Benefit:? Nobody else, knows you or your child like God does, so who best to teach you the best way to raise your child(ren). Get equipped by God to be a parent and you will not fail.

So get to talking to both God and your spouse about the kids!

May God bless you in Jesus name, amen.

For years, like any responsible Christian parent, I prayed daily for my two children, Aubrey and Aaron. I prayed for God's blessing and protection throughout their days. I prayed for them to be happy. I asked God to help them through difficult times and to help them make wise choices. My prayers were regular, heartfelt, and -- for the most part -- pedestrian and repetitive. 

I wanted more than that, however. I wanted so much for my children, but when I knelt in prayer, I invariably found the same tired words rolling from my lips, like an adult whose table grace never progressed beyond "God is great, God is good, now we thank him for this food …" 

Then one day, Nancy, our pastor's wife, shared a testimony during a morning worship service that changed this parent's prayer life. She told how her concern that her children develop strong Christian morals and the fruits of the Spirit had prompted her to develop a unique prayer list, that included reminders to pray for her children's salvation and growth in grace, as well as other concerns (such as that they would "be leaders, not followers"). 

That day I decided to follow Nancy's example, and develop a "parent's prayer program" of my own; a simple practice that has revolutionized the way I pray for my children. Each day of the month, in addition to my prayers for their safety and for the concerns of that day, I also pray for a specific character trait, virtue, or fruit of the Spirit to be planted and nurtured in my children, through my efforts (and my wife's), through the influence of others, and through Aubrey and Aaron's own actions and decisions. At the end of each month, I begin praying through the list again, combining traits when the month is shorter than thirty-one days. 

Following is the list I have developed, complete with brief suggestions for prayer from Scripture. Feel free to duplicate it -- or improve upon it -- to help you pray specifically and purposefully for your children to experience and evidence: 

An interview with Dee Engel, minister to families at Trinity United Presbyterian Church in Santa Ana, Calif.

FM: Why does a busy, productive children's pastor take a day off for a prayer and planning day?

Dee Engel: It's hard to listen to God when there's so much going on. I go and get away -- I often go to the desert or to the beach in the off season. I find I need to get away. I spend a lot of time listening and being quiet -- not doing anything. Sometimes I just crawl into bed and lay there for a while, and forget I have anything to do.

FM: What kinds of things do you do on this day?

Engel: Sometimes I spend time in deep Bible study because on a daily basis I'm at the devotional end of things. Children's pastors don't routinely study in the same depth that people do for youth and adults. We spend more time on a new approach or learning activities than with Scripture study.

I often have a time of worship with a CD or tape. For six months, I did some meditations out of the book, Listening to God. Or I'll spend hours at a time digging through some deeper ministry issue or praying for the staff and their needs.

FM: Any variations on this theme?

Engel: About twice a year, I share this day with a really good friend. We spend part of the time separate, and part of it together.

FM: How do you know what you're going to do on this day?

Engel: I usually don't know. I don't have the same agenda each month. If I structured it, I'd still be working. I wouldn't be relaxed before God.

FM: What do you take with you on these days?

Engel: I take my prayer notebook. In it are hymns I can sing, Scriptures I can read, sheets of prayer requests. I take notes from teachers and friends who have asked me to pray for special requests. I'll take a book about a new concept -- a new area in ministry. I'll read a chapter and chew it over for a while.

FM: This sounds like a nice idea -- but not something a children's pastor would get around to doing.

Engel: It's terribly hard to guard that day. I have to schedule it into my calendar. In January, I schedule days for the whole year. At times I must be flexible and reschedule, but I try my best to hold to the days I've scheduled.

At a networking conference with 35 to 40 children's pastors in the room, I talked about this. Maybe two others did something like this. Some decided to try it for a half-day. The longer I'm in ministry, you gotta have that kind of balance in life. I'm a busy person, but I need those kinds of times too.

You Can Reach Dee Engel at:

Dee Engel, Minister to Families
Trinity United Presbyterian Church
13922 Prospect Ave.
Santa Ana, CA 92705
Dee@tupcsa.org